Once again my hopes and dreams have been smashed and ground into dust by the boot heel of life. Every time I think, "surely this will be the time things work out for us." But, nothing ever changes. We try so hard and each and every time we are snatched back from the brink of possible happiness into the black depths of despair.
We all had such high hopes for my middle son. The doctors told us when he was 4 or 5 years old that the Pervasive Developmental Disorder would keep him from living a normal life; it was likely that he would never finish high school and would be dependent on others for the rest of his life. But, not only did he finish high school, with honors, he graduated college, also with honors. It seemed they were wrong. Then, the panic attacks and anxiety attacks started a couple of years ago. That was closely followed by depression. He told me tonight that he was so tired of not being able to function like everyone else. His therapist and psychiatrist are doing all they can to help him. But, nothing seems to give more than a temporary reprieve. I just don't know where else to turn.
My youngest son, thank God, has a job and is, at this point, the sole breadwinner for the family. I have my Social Security which helps. But, we still cannot get our heads above water. It just pisses me off to no end when I hear about these so-called "celebrities" like the Kardashians who, through the luck of a sex tape and a large ass, have people throwing money at them. The amount it would take to put my family on solid ground again is probably less than one of those women spends on clothes in a couple of weeks.
If anyone should happen to stumble upon this, please send us your prayers.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Saturday, December 03, 2011
I guess it's a good thing that no one reads this blog. I'm sure they would think I'm suicidal. I'm not. My life is spiraling out of control and I don't know where to turn. I feel so helpless. I don't really have anyone to talk to thus the blog entries after such a long time. I've finally gotten to the point that I can't deal with much more.
I am so tired. I just can't take anymore. I'm tired of beating my head against a brick wall day after day after day after day. It never gets any better. I'm tired of beating my brains out trying to figure out how to pay the bills every month. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of people telling me to just go out and find a job. That's what I've been trying to do for the past 3 years!!! Unless you're unemployed you will never know what we face. I do have a part time job but it's just not enough to keep things going. I've had to put so much on my credit cards that they are nearly maxed out. I HATE doing that but it's the only way. I'm miserable. I feel like I've let my family down. I feel worthless. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost and I don't know if I can ever find my way back.